Dilemma

So, it's October once again, which means it's time for my annual identity crisis. The time of year where I experience feelings of inadequacy and twinges of longing for university.

I've attempted uni twice before, but left for similar reasons both times. It took two hours of transport each way, and I had no money, and no social skills or confidence; all of which are essential for getting through. Not to mention some faint idea of what you're actually doing there. I failed all but one of my classes the first time around, and the second time, I got stuck taking classes I didn't have any interest or capability in, as all of the classes I wanted to enrol in were apparently scheduled for the same time. It mustn't be very common for a person to want to study English and cinema. Anyway. The point is I was in way over my head, in a number of ways.

Since then, I've pretty much had no idea who I am. When I was young (because, you know, I'm at the walking-frame age now), I was always 'the smart one', 'the gifted one', the one who belonged at university and would undoubtedly be successful. When I was forced to realize that maybe this path wasn't for me after all, I pretty much lost my only defining quality. As a result, every year, when the media bombards me with stories and images of accomplished teens and their worlds of possibilities, I still think "I could be that too. Things have changed. I'm older, richer, more knowledgeable and a more sane person, and I have more options and resources available to me now. It could work." But then I remember reality: I don't have the drive, at least not long-term, I don't know what I want to do, so signing up for tertiary education yet again would be a bit pointless, money would yet again be an issue, I might well end up in classes I don't want or a situation I'm not comfortable/happy in, and I should really be devoting my energy to getting (and keeping) full-time work. However, all the jobs I show any real interest in require education and/or extensive experience.

So, my annual dilemma is this: do I follow a life path because circumstances dictate, and potentially waste my life, or do I try for something I want, despite the fact that it could well end up failing again, and the possibility that I might be wanting/doing all this just to 'fulfill my destiny'?


As a bonus addition, here's my Rant of the Day:

I utterly despise spelling errors. Admittedly, I make a few myself (that's right, you dictionary does not, in fact, know all), but I don't have nearly as many people paying attention as, say, a large company.

I was applying for jobs on Seek last night, and was rudely interrupted with a message saying that the website was down, in order for them to 'inmprove the job seeking experience'. Surely the person/people behind this message would be required to be attentive to details, and have basic knowledge of English? It's a frequent occurrence in job advertisements, as well. A few weeks ago, I noticed a number of vacancies in cafes and restaurants...for 'barristers'. Uh, guys? I'm not likely to apply for any jobs you display if you can't even get the industry right! (Not that I'd be a barista anyway, but this isn't specifically me we're talking about here.) I don't know about any of you, but I refuse to acknowledge businesses that have spelling/grammatical errors in their promotional/recruitment material; it just puts them in a really negative light in my eyes. Like, "you're a large company, yet you can't spell. I don't trust you. Bye." In summary, I have far too much time on my hands, and am far too pedantic for my own good. End rant.